Tuesday, October 03, 2006

To fib or not to fib

I had taken a hiatus from blogging. It was not because I wanted to but a combination of personal and work related issues conspired against me making a timely post to the “As you asked” Part Deux.

As I was compiling that (last in the series post) something struck me, which has left me somewhat, discomfited. This might appear trivial to some of you, but allow me explain my case.

For most of my life I have had one debilitating condition-I have been incapable of telling a lie and getting away with it. For some reason everybody (excepting maybe toddlers) has been able to see through my lies, embellishments, truth embroidery..etc. Because of this I have become by default a (depending on how you look at it):

1) Trustworthy person
2) Person useless at making excuses for errant buddies. Like when buddy’s gilfie asks what time him and me (her boyfriend) left the pub after the previous nights champions league game and I know I haven’t seen the chap in two days.
3) Utterly useless salesperson/advertiser.
4) Kind of person you don’t ask if the dress you are wearing makes you look beautiful/sexy/corporate/slutty/fat (girls delete accordingly) if you are expecting a comforting (but not entirely true answer).
5) And the list goes on.

Why am I bringing all this up now? This is why.

Recently I have told two really big lies to my boss (to get out of some of the trouble I have been in due to the abovementioned work-related/personal problems I have had) and he seems to have swallowed them hook, line, sinker, anchor, ship, the whole enchilada.

You might say my boss is a gullible, trusting chap, but then you do not know my boss. He is the kind of guy whose gaze would have made torture tools unnecessary during the inquisition. The kind of chap who would make Jack Bauer ask for his mommy (ok that’s stretching it a bit). But you catch my drift.

I was feeling good that I had gotten myself out of a spot of bother but then I got to thinking. I told myself that the ease with which I was spinning fibs was worrying. I started wondering whether I was losing that which made me Jay. I asked myself “Was I sliding down the dark and ignominious road of dark lies and deception?”

After all of 10 minutes of worrying and obsessing, I said to myself “chief, whats the worst that can happen?”

“Either you discover that your tall tales didn’t hit the mark by a mile and the bossman is only marinating on the most cruel method he can use to make you pay for thinking you could sneak a weak-ass lie by him and thus you don’t have to worry about all that ignominious road nonsense ”


You just became normal.


Cherie said...

u shd always look the person in the eye(yo boss)that way, they believe yo lie wholesale!

Tony Montana once sed..."I always tell the truth, even when I lie!" see, when u look them in the eye,it becomes true. well, to them!

Cherie said...

but if u start, cracking yo knuckles, squinting, perspiring, farting, poking yo nose, tryn to catch yo heart beat,trembling, andu get itchy...i would like to marry u! that way, i can see right thru u!

And there'll be no more "I was at Rodney's home, he lost his mother's cousin's, fiancee's sister!"

Goddess of Sorts said...

"The most convincing lies we tell, are the ones we tell ourselves." Stephen King

(this includes telling yourself you're "sliding down the dark ignominious road of dark lies and deception" or that u're becoming "normal." Take your pick.)

Kenyanchick said...

You can't LIE? Then of course I've never dated you, Jay. Pity.

Iwaya said...

but you people, can't you spot the fib?! Jay was pulling our collective leg and everybody believed it!

baz said...

If you cannot lie, why did you deny being Jay the superblogger when I met you in town in your true identity form?

minty said...

That's why the Russians say, 'with lies you can get ahead in the world, but you can never go back'.

Tis real hard work.

savage said...

I also can't lie. OK, I can only that the truth triumphs any day. I like to tell the ugly truth.

For example if you ask me if the dress makes you look fat,not only will I be straight up with you, I will also volunteer a bonus and inform you about your uneven ears and man hands.

The 0ne said...

I just read this and I don't believe a word of it..you!!You're good...You have a gift my friend...

countryboy said...

Some times it's helpful to tell lies...like when yo girlfriends catch panting with some other girl and you go, "it wasn't me" as you look her directly in the eyes!!