Thursday, July 13, 2006

Car trouble: Two words you won't hear from Jay in a long time

 The gods have conspired yet again to prevent me from ever owning an automobile. Just when I was putting together the last bits of the ingenious scheme that would somehow get me to purchase a car out of the loose change that is inappropriately called my salary, cars are about to get really expensive (the used ones anyway).

Actually, between you and me, I am smiling inside. Now I have another excuse to give those who keep asking me why I do not have a car. That’s not cause enough for a smile, I hear some of you say. Just hang on a second.

I am the only guy my age I know who has almost no interest in owning a car. The only times I get to wishing I had a ride are:

a) When there is that ballistic date looming and I know I have well nigh to no future with said date if I do not pull up to her crib behind the wheel of a car (preferably a fancy one).
b) When I have over indulged in the pleasures that are only to be found in Club Pilsner and a quick account balance inquiry (hand in pocket) reveals I have only 5,000 and the cheapest taxi cab to Bugolobi is 10,000 and everyone I know who owns a car seems to have vanished.

However these two scenarios are not that common because, being somewhat socially dysfunctional (if this phrase means something other than what I think it means, don’t tell me), I do not date that often and when I do my dates do not mind sharing the comfort of the 100s of “specials” I part own (by virtue of regular use). I have also developed a nearly superhuman ability to keep tabs on my dimes even at my most inebriated (granted sometimes barmaids ‘forget’ to give me my change or threaten to call Mukiibi, the barrel-chested bouncer, if I don’t stop accusing them of cheating me of change).

I have no problem using the blue-striped taxis and I do not go through the agony of my housemate when cash is tight and he has to part with 20k for 3 days worth (curtailed movements and all) of premium petrol.

Besides having read the, ridiculously few, minimum number of Club Pilsners that can set off a breathalyser, I do not think I would be using my car on weekend evenings when I need it the most.





9 comments:

m said...

There's always the two piston, manually powered solution ... lebicycle...

Bronchitikat said...

Yay for bicycles! Although they do have their drawbacks, the main one being other road users. At least in a car you have some sort of protection around you for when 'contact' is made. The other is that they aren't much good for 'pulling' & hot dates - unless s/he is also a cycling enthusiast.

Kenyanchick said...

Love the new background galaxy thingie!

savage said...

In an unrelated development, I am back to the blogosphere. Catch me at http://nathansavage.blogspot.com

STILL TWISTED,SNARKY AND SLANDEROUS.

scotchbiscuits said...

also,you'll never need to find a parking space. and that for me elicits a loud halleyujah!!!

baz said...

Wamma tell them! This society should get off our backs and let us walk!

zingtrial said...

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~sandinmyshoes~ said...

you said it! Cars are so not worth the trouble, esp. in Uganda with its endless traffic jams and manic taxi drivers. There's always the digi!

squarelike said...

Love your style and humour, don't stop blogging, Jay !